I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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