Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
