So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
