he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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