I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
