This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
