my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
