I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
