Midget sex pt 2 tonight
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
