and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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