So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
