You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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