I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
