Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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