just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize