Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
