i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
