lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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