ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
