You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
