Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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