She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
