nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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