NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
