Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
