There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
