my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He? As in you personified your dick?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize