areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
