Dual....:-)
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
