she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
