I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
