I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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