I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
