Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
