What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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