you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
