What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
