I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
soo... how was my night?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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