I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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