You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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