even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
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im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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