The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
