i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
