remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
