Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
