Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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