Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
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I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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