living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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