No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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