Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
