I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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