Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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