Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Who died my cat blue again?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
