Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
