Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
