got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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