I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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