I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
