Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
