he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
