You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
