Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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