but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
