It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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