coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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