If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
