I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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