So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
