I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
