he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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