So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is Oprah even human
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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