We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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